bragging

can i just say that i have the best friends? no, seriously, this is sad-bragging time...sagging time. lately i've been thinking about going to college (mostly because everywhere i go it gets brought up) and it's been dragging me down. that might sound ridiculous because most people can't wait to get out of wherever they are, but i just keep thinking about leaving all the people i've grown to love so much! just look at these awesome girls!

erin and taylor-flo rida

adiam's grad party-natalie, ellen, hillary, sarah, mikela, me, hannah, adiam, jenny and kelsey

me and mikela, pre-graduation

 

adiam, natalie, me-right after graduation

before prom-hannah, hillary, ellen, me, brooke, nicole

 

ncl ceremony for friends-me and adiam

 

 me, ellen, mikela, adiam and hillary at the needtobreathe concert! (incredible)

see? so many beautiful beautiful memories with these women. honestly, i've fallen in love with all of them. this love has lead to extensive pre-separation anxiety and it sucks. SO SO glad that i've had the privilege of even knowing them. i love them all so dearly. they're the coolest girls you'll ever meet and they make me laugh so hard i cry on a regular basis. not many high school girls can call each other sisters in christ and not feel weird about it, but that describes my relationships with these precious women exactly. i cannot say enough how much i love you all and how much i'll miss you in our time apart.

clarity

my dad often describes life as a river. he says we're in an inner tube, and we can choose to paddle or we can let the current take us where it pleases.

i'll be honest. i don't always paddle.


i find myself somewhere entirely unfamiliar with jealous, unpleasant, sinful, hateful thoughts. i think to myself, how did i get here? when did i decide that this was okay? then i realize it wasn't a decision. i just lost my oars. i frantically start looking to friends, family, shopping, boys, etc to provide a way out, only to realize that they all fall short, as wonderful as they are. that i can't rely on my own willpower or the willpower of others to take me where i need to go but only on the one that decided long ago that he would paddle for me. folks, i'll admit it. i need Jesus. completely. 100% need him. life is just not the same when i get distracted.


when i look at a beautiful sunset (sadly i'm not usually up in time for the sunrises) or a baby girl smiles at me or a mango tastes particularly sweet, i want to melt. not always. usually i overlook my #1 fan's attempts to brighten my day but when i open my eyes for just a second and see a glimpse of what he's done in my life it's overwhelming. gives me strength to paddle. only when i laugh the hardest, smile the most and appreciate the many blessings i've been given by Him am i seeing things in clarity.

waiting

Waiting just might be the hardest thing we have to deal with. Some might argue that it's peer pressure, or money matters, or relationships but when it boils down to it I believe it's the process of waiting for whatever it is we want or need that kills us. Waiting sparks insecurity in what we already have and uncertainty about the things to come. So this particular blog is about (you guessed it!) waiting.

As a young christian woman, there are many things I'm planning on waiting for that aren't exactly the norm for girls my age. My latest frustration happens to be waiting on the right guy. most girls prefer to "live in the moment" and give guys chances, whereas the Bible clearly teaches us to guard our hearts for the one whom God chose for us. If you know me well, I've probably spoken to you about this particular frustration. It was probably in a whiny manner with the phrase "it's just not fair" somewhere in the conversation, and some other excuses about my vicious cycle of whining. As a Christian, I'm expected to be "equally yoked", a phrase that I've started to dread because it seems nearly impossible given my past and current "selection" (if you will). While this might seem petty and immature to some of you, it's a real problem to many young girls today (not excluding the guys, I just haven't spoken to many about this particular struggle) and it's a problem I feel pretty unequipped to fight. I know all the rules and reasons behind not dating christian guys, and while it all makes plenty of sense, putting it into practice (for me) translates into not dating. and boy, on a friday night this seems like you're asking me not to breathe.

Perhaps this difficulty resides in the fact that I've just graduated so it's very difficult to expect positive changes with these problems in college when I haven't gone yet, and I realize this problem is also one of a lack of faith that God will provide or maybe I need to consider that God is calling me to a life of singleness (I'm not being dramatic. just mapping out the possibilities.) However, I've grown weary of those not experiencing this difficulty themselves simply writing it off as another adolescent being an eager beaver, and thinking that it's always been like this. This has become a huge problem. I've seen some of the strongest girls around me giving in to guys who have no intentions of seeking god or even faking it just because they feel lonely. This loneliness is RAMPANT; we look around at girls without restrictions and see pictures on facebook of them kissing their boyfriends and a voice inside of us screams that something isn't right. where has this companionship that God created gone? Why do I feel as if guys have the right to treat me however they want, and why do I blame myself the second something goes wrong? This might seem like an angry rant of a hormone-infested teenage girl, but I'd like for you to pray for us. The girls of this generation are growing weary and slowly giving up the fight. There are those of us who have managed to make it out of high school alive and intact, but the number is dwindling. If god put some encouragement on your heart when you read this, I'd love to hear it. but i don't want to be treated as if I'm overreacting anymore because I've seen some of my dearest friends get caught up in the fight and some damage seems irreversible. pray for our purity. pray for our spirits. pray/expect god to show up and change this overlooked pit that so many girls have fallen into and do not see a way out of. I believe there is always a way out and no one is beyond redemption. That truth applies to my generation of young men and women and our lifeline is prayer.