clarity

my dad often describes life as a river. he says we're in an inner tube, and we can choose to paddle or we can let the current take us where it pleases.

i'll be honest. i don't always paddle.


i find myself somewhere entirely unfamiliar with jealous, unpleasant, sinful, hateful thoughts. i think to myself, how did i get here? when did i decide that this was okay? then i realize it wasn't a decision. i just lost my oars. i frantically start looking to friends, family, shopping, boys, etc to provide a way out, only to realize that they all fall short, as wonderful as they are. that i can't rely on my own willpower or the willpower of others to take me where i need to go but only on the one that decided long ago that he would paddle for me. folks, i'll admit it. i need Jesus. completely. 100% need him. life is just not the same when i get distracted.


when i look at a beautiful sunset (sadly i'm not usually up in time for the sunrises) or a baby girl smiles at me or a mango tastes particularly sweet, i want to melt. not always. usually i overlook my #1 fan's attempts to brighten my day but when i open my eyes for just a second and see a glimpse of what he's done in my life it's overwhelming. gives me strength to paddle. only when i laugh the hardest, smile the most and appreciate the many blessings i've been given by Him am i seeing things in clarity.